Here in that blissful, imaginary, meditative level of awareness called “Geezerville,” the Fourth of July is not a celebration of winning a war for independence. A Geezerville Fourth has no “rockets red glare” and “bombs bursting in air,” nor does it salute military victory, freedom, bravery, patriotism, capitalism, or any other “ism.” Here, there is no government, religion, illiteracy, indolence, crime, avarice, or any act that violates the Golden Rule—hence the major triggers for human conflict are rendered null.
From its inception, our community has followed the teaching of Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj:
“Our stand is clear; produce to distribute, feed before you eat, give before you take, think of others before you think of yourself. Only a selfless society based on sharing can be stable and happy. This is the only practical solution. If you do not want it, then—fight.”
Accordingly, this year’s Geezerville Fourth will feature an elaborate, multicultural potato salad tasting by resident culinary genius/geezer Gilda Mensch. She will celebrate the diverse ethnicities of Geezerville by sharing the standard American potato salad made famous by Hellman’s/Best Foods mayonnaise, as well as versions from Israel, Mexico, China, Japan, France, England, Germany, Italy, Ireland, Scotland, Jamaica, Cuba, the Philippines, Russia, Kenya, Algeria, Iran, and Afghanistan.
While savoring the multiplicity of salads, Geezerville Fourth attendees can also enjoy a wonderful wine pairing, generously shared by resident wine expert and collector Myron Lowenstein. The wines offered will include Riesling, Sauvignon Blanc, Albariño, Pinot Noir, Beaujolais Villages, Pinot Gris, Alsace, Cava, Prosecco, Bandol Rose, and orange Muscat.
While Fourth attendees relish their shared potato salad and wine, our resident king of comedy, Feishel Berkowitz, will entertain by sharing some gems from his new comedy act such as:
- “The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.”
- “My wife serves dinner in three phases: Serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead”.
- “I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol, and wild women. The other half I wasted.”
- “Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, “Where’d you get the pig?” Guy says, “ It’s not a pig!” Bartender says, “I was talking to the duck.”
- “I went to see my doctor. I told him, “Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What’s wrong with me?” He said, “I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.”
- “You know you’re old when your birthday cake looks like a prairie fire.”
- “My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.”
- “You know you’re old when your walker has an airbag.”
- “I’m so ugly that a guy followed me for two hours with a pooper-scooper.”
- “My cooking is so bad that my dog howls when I step into the kitchen.”
As evening descends on the Geezerville Fourth, we will eschew the warlike notion of fireworks and instead present performances by our resident music groups. One of the groups to perform will be the “Mal Goldberg Ordeal,” a spin on the famous 1960s band “The Jimi Hendrix Experience.” Instead of a guitar, Mal plays the electric Oud, a modern version of the ancient Hebrew instrument. Like Hendrix, Mal uses a stack of Marshall amplifiers to boost his Oud music‘s volume up to almost intolerable levels. The loudness, says Mal, is necessary to conceal his discordant lack of talent
“I’m a lousy musician, but I’m a loud musician,” he proudly proclaims. Attendees are advised that they won’t need their hearing aids during Mal’s ordeal/performance.
The next band on stage will be “Drool,” a geezer’s take on glam-rock group “Kiss.” They will be playing tunes from their new MP3 entitled, “75-Year-Old Men in Makeup and Black Spandex! Oy Vey!”
Topping off the celebration will be “Blank Sabbath,” Geezerville’s popular interpretation of famed heavy metal band “Black Sabbath.” Blank Sabbath’s name and popularity stems from lead singer Jacky Bernbaum’s hilarious inability to remember lyrics. Much to an audience’s amusement, the group might be playing Black Sabbath’s “Iron Man” while Jacky blankly sings the lyrics to the national anthem. Blank Sabbath has a new MP3 available, but Jacky couldn’t remember the title.
To memorialize the frolic of the Geezerville Fourth 2023 event, culinary goddess Gilda Mensche will hand departing geezers a print copy of the following recipe. Enjoy!
Gilda’s Best-Ever Cuban Potato Salad
Ingredients:
- 2 lbs small red potatoes or 2 lbs small yellow potatoes
- 3⁄4 lb thick sliced bacon, fried crisp and cut into 1/2 inch pieces
- 1 1⁄2 cups diced red onions
- 4 green onions, sliced
- 3⁄4 cup dill pickle, chopped
- 3⁄4 cup green olives, chopped
- 1 tablespoon garlic powder
- 1 cup mayonnaise
- 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
- 2 teaspoons hot sauce
Directions:
- Peel (or not) the potatoes and boil with a good bit of salt.
- Drain and then cube when cool.
- Add the rest of dry salad ingredients to potatoes.
- Mix dressing ingredients and then toss with salad ingredients and potatoes.
- Best if left to set overnight in the refrigerator. Let the salad sit on a counter for 30 minutes before serving for the flavors to be most infused.
Gil Michaels encourages frolic at [email protected].
