Help Wanted
On May 4, my human companion (HC) heads back to Stanford Medical Center to have an “unicompartmental knee arthroplasty”— or in canine speak, a partial knee replacement — on his left knee. This isn’t his first rodeo, having had the same procedure performed on his right knee in February 2025. Normally, this would not be mainstream news worth reporting, but it does have a huge impact on my ability to report what is happening in my city.
Last year, I put together a few “evergreen” reports, until HC was able to get me back on the street, which seemed to appease readers. However, in addition to doing reports, I need my walks for exercise and mental acuity. So keeping my walking schedule is important for my health.
To say that I pose challenges to anyone who walks me would be an understatement. I am reactive to other dogs (even half a block away), a squirrel sighting sends me into a tailspin (even if they are on a telephone line 40 feet in the air), and I can sense a cat behind a bush or down a driveway solely by smell. And did I mention I weigh 90 pounds and can go from zero to 60 miles per hour in 0.5 seconds?
I have managed to drop every one of my previous walkers to the concrete sidewalk at one time or another. So, with a lot of trepidation, I am looking for a professional dog walker to handle a few shifts until HC is back in the saddle. Following are a few qualifications to consider.
Applicants should have a comprehensive medical plan fully paid for. Physical attributes would include a body weight of between 200 to 220 pounds so as to provide a sufficient anchor, a high degree of agility (especially when doing the leash spin when it wraps around your legs), and, of course, one should not be apprehensive about picking up 💩.
Additionally, having an exceptional ability to detect squirrels in a three-dimensional environment is a big plus. And just to confirm—these are solo walks, since I am dog reactive. Geez! I almost forgot, the lucky person who is selected must be proficient at dispensing treats. Very important.
Here is my daily walking schedule for any of you considering taking one or more shifts:
- 6:30 a.m. – 2 mile walk.
- 11 a.m. – 1 mile walk.
- 2 p.m. – 1 to 1.5 mile walk.
- 5 p.m. – 1 mile walk.
- 9 p.m. – 2 mile walk.
Interested persons can send a resume to my HC at [email protected] or chat him up at 510-865-7369.
I have often wondered how the folks that bore tunnels starting at opposite ends of the mountain knew how to meet in the exact spot. Thanks to BarkGPT, I learned that surveyors set up a 3D alignment map using lasers and high-precision GPS coordinates to determine a fixed point. Then a tunnel-boring machine equipped with onboard navigation calculates any deviation in real time, makes micro-adjustments, and digs away. Wow! I just love technology… when it works correctly. I think the folks working on this brick walkway could have used a surveyor to help out with their path alignment.
The FIFA World Cup is being hosted in the United States, Canada, and Mexico from June 11 to July 19, and I am starting to see some signs acknowledging the upcoming matches. I am wondering if the building located at the corner of Central Avenue and Willow Street put up the many nationional flags in recognition of all the nations that will be coming to the games.
In other news, my HC found a case of White King laundry detergent from the 1980s and wanted to know if it is still good to use? Are there any antique detergent collectors out there? Does this have any nostalgia value? Let me know.
Did you lose a ball? I found a grey plastic ball on Central Avenue near Main Squeeze. If it belongs to you, contact me via my HC at [email protected]. ID by scent will be required.
I will close out this week’s report with a shot of a beautiful bright red (so I’m told) Amaryllis plant and a painted rock with a cute beetle image. If you have a few minutes, I recommend getting out of the house and taking a walk around the block. There are some amazing things out there. You just need to get out to see them.
Let me know if you are interested in the Ultimate Dog Walking Challenge!
Mouf, Roving Reporter
Bear’s-Eye View of Alameda
Mouf and his human companion can be reached via [email protected]. Their stories are collected at AlamedaPost.com/Jeff-Cambra/. All photos and videos by Jeff Cambra.
