We who look out from that state of mind called “Geezerville [1]” celebrate Independence Day not as a salute to violent military conquest, but as a peaceful day of freedom from the tyranny of destructive human thought.
[2]
In Geezerville, there are no “isms.” There are no religious isms, no governmental isms, no political isms, and no societal isms. Geezerville residents are bound by the primary philosophical axiom of our founder, infamous pundit Dennis Green, who distilled all theological creeds and governmental ideologies into four words: “Don’t be an a**hole.”
Other important adages that shape Geezerville culture are “Nobody cares” and “Seriousness is pathological.” Accordingly, a Geezerville Fourth [3] is filled with comedy, great food, drink, and music. Fireworks are passé.
For comedy, this year’s comedian is Ditza Cohen, who impersonates famed Alameda resident, the late Phyllis Diller. Ditza provided a sample of her humorous material:
- “I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives 40 miles away.”
- “Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?”
- “You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes—and you’re barefoot.”
- “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”
- “Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.”
- “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”
- “The romance is dead if he drinks champagne from your slipper and chokes on a Dr. Scholl’s foot pad.”
- “Many children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps many parents going.”
- “Did you ever look in a mirror and wonder how your pantyhose got so wrinkled—and then remember you weren’t wearing any?”
- “When I go to the beach, even the tide won’t come in.”
- “I spent seven hours in a beauty shop—and that was just for the estimate.”
[4]
While enjoying Ditza’s performance, attendees can sample this year’s seasonal dining special, stuffed zucchini blossoms, picked from the lush summer gardens of Geezerville’s culinary genius/geezer, Gilda Mensch.
When a member of Geezerville’s “committee committee”—Geezerville’s hundreds of committees are created and presided over by the committee committee—suggested a competitive eating contest with the blossoms, Gilda instantly nixed it with a loud “Meh!”
To wash down the blossoms, Geezerville’s hooch committee will offer an eclectic variety of martinis, with a strict two-drink limit. The two-drink limit was instated to avoid a repeat of the disastrous 2017 “Geezerville Martini Festival,” when unlimited martinis induced a drunken geezer riot, with dozens of canes bent, walkers destroyed, wheelchairs demolished, and countless dentures and hearing aids trampled. Even the potted palms were destroyed. It is hoped that the two-drink limit will curtail another drunken brawl.
[5]
Finally, Geezerville Fourth celebrations always end with evening music, provided by our resident maestros and musical artists. As most Geezerville residents are baby boomers, 1970s rock is the featured musical genre.
This year’s performance will again feature Mal Goldberg, whose former band, Drool, covered the whole 40-year song catalog of mostly forgettable tunes by glam rock band Kiss. Drool’s MP3, “75-Year Old Men In Makeup and Black Spandex, Oy Vey!” sold four copies, all to the band.
Mal’s new band, Dead Battery, will cover the long career of heavy metal rockers AC-DC. Mal hopes that this year’s lengthy three-hour performance will prove his theory that heavy metal rock is all one tune—Blue Cheer’s “Summertime Blues” played 300 different ways. Mal plans to play all 300 variations, or until everybody leaves.
As is her custom, Gilda Mensch will provide exiting Geezerville Fourth celebrants with a copy of the recipe [6] for her featured dish. It’s also presented here.
[7]
Gilda Mensch’s Zucchini Blossoms Stuffed with Dry Ricotta
Ingredients
- 8 zucchini flowers
- 1 cup of Ricotta cheese, squeezed dry
- 1 cup of grated Parmigiano Cheese
- nutmeg to taste
- 3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
Directions
- Gently clean the zucchini flowers. Be careful when handling them as they are very delicate.
- Remove the stem or small tender zucchini from the flower. You can use the zucchini for other recipes.
- Remove the fleshy and bitter pistil inside the corolla. Be careful not to break the flower.
- Clean the petals with a damp cloth. Set aside.
- Let the ricotta dry in a colander for 1 hour.
- When the ricotta is dry, add the Parmigiano and nutmeg. Mix well.
- Using a teaspoon, fill the zucchini flowers with the ricotta cream. Fill to just over half-full, then twist the petal tips to close the flowers.
- Place the stuffed zucchini flowers on a baking sheet lined with baking paper.
- Brush the flowers lightly with extra virgin olive oil.
- Bake at 400°F for 5-6 minutes. Then turn on the broiler and leave the zucchini flowers in the oven for another 2 minutes. You will have stuffed zucchini flowers with a lightly ingratiated crust and a soft ricotta heart!
- Serve the baked stuffed zucchini flowers hot or at room temperature.
Gil Michaels prefers gin blossoms at [email protected] [8]. His writing is collected at AlamedaPost.com/Gil-Michaels [9].