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Ask Alina – How to Support a Partner with Depression

Dear Ask Alina,

My girlfriend hasn’t been herself lately. These days she is either angry or sad. She goes to work, comes home and turns on the television, does not engage in conversations, and complains she is tired and can’t fall asleep.

At first, I chalked it up to the fact that her work environment is tough, then I thought it was the weather, but now, months later, I am running out of ideas as to why she behaves the way she does. When I ask her what’s wrong, she gets upset and says it’s because I am not doing enough around the house. But to be honest, the only reason the house is clean or that we have something to eat is because I do the shopping, cooking, and cleaning.

Any idea of what I can do to help her get out of this rut? I’m tired of feeling like a punching bag.

Punching Bag Partner

Alameda Post - a person sits alone on a log and looks out to sea [1]

Dear Punching Bag Partner,

Based on your description, your girlfriend may be experiencing a bout of depression. Top signs of depression include: (a) irritability and frustration, (b) overwhelming sadness, (c) sleep disturbance including insomnia or sleeping too much, and (d) change in appetite, including eating too much or not eating enough.

You can offer support during this difficult time for your girlfriend, while maintaining boundaries and taking care of your own well-being. Here are a few things you can do:

Take care of yourself! Exercise and a balanced healthy diet are important self-care actions. And please be patient. Depression is a complex condition, and it may take some time for her to change behavior, recover, and feel better.

Alina Baugh is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Ask Alina is for informational purposes only. This article does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.